So I can't especially be bothered to update this, having just written another blog post. I wanted to just check in though and say "I'm still alive" for the zero people who even read this!
I've been having a bit of blah time this year. Not constantly but it seems to have been several things to tackle emotionally, that I don't think I was equipped for. Mostly I'm fine though, still happy and cheerful but I'm now working on some PMA in the form of weight loss.
I've got a blog over at - Busybee-bzzz - I originally started it for my Bzz Agent work but now I figure its a good place just to review stuff, even my life. I'm gonna be blogging there about my weight loss (hopefully) and maybe even tracking it.
Anyway that's really all that's new in my life for now. Maybe all this blogging will rub off on me a little and I might update this thing ocassionally.
Showing posts with label update. Show all posts
Showing posts with label update. Show all posts
Sunday, 29 April 2012
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
New Year Resolutions
So I never did get around to updating and in all honesty, this isn't that update either. Its now (only just) 3rd January 2012. Well over a year since I officially became "seperated" and "single".
I thought I pretty much had it together. I hadn't been with anyone else - not on a date, not a kiss, no sex, nothing. I was learning to just be happy being me and I'd basically decided I wasn't looking for someone else to share my life with. I was genuinely content.
I mean yes, I could do with more money - but who couldn't right? It would be nice not to worry whether the rent was going to get paid each month, whether I can take the girls out to dinner, and how much Christmas will kill me - but like I said, most people have those issues. I was happy with my life for the most part.
In this last month (and therefore last year), I have come to the realisation that I am still just as sad and pathetic as always. I still lose my heart far too easily, I still let my heart run my head and my emotions run too high. I went on a date. I had sex. Both events, though with different people, have left me more of a mess than I might ever have imagined. How is it at thirty two, men/feelings/life can still hurt so much?
So whilst I rarely bother to make New Year Resolutions, since they never get kept, here are mine:
To remember-
Don't rush in. Keep a distance. Stay uninvolved. Try not to feel. Be sure.
No matter how perfect someone might seem on paper, everyone has their faults.
Love and Lust are two very different things. That said, there is no such thing as sex without emotions.
If you do something that could possibly complicate things, the chances are it will. Save the issues and just don't do it to begin with.
On top of all these things, I'm sure there are a bundle of "be nice to people", "like yourself more", "lose weight" and so forth, so I won't even get into those. If nothing else, this post will act as a reminder to me, that even after over a year of being by myself and thinking I'm dealing with things, my heart is and always will be far too easily hurt. I am not ready to love again. I'm not ready to be hurt again. I'm still a mess. I carry a lot of baggage. That said, I am strong and I will get through this, even if it means never putting myself in that position to be hurt again.
I thought I pretty much had it together. I hadn't been with anyone else - not on a date, not a kiss, no sex, nothing. I was learning to just be happy being me and I'd basically decided I wasn't looking for someone else to share my life with. I was genuinely content.
I mean yes, I could do with more money - but who couldn't right? It would be nice not to worry whether the rent was going to get paid each month, whether I can take the girls out to dinner, and how much Christmas will kill me - but like I said, most people have those issues. I was happy with my life for the most part.
In this last month (and therefore last year), I have come to the realisation that I am still just as sad and pathetic as always. I still lose my heart far too easily, I still let my heart run my head and my emotions run too high. I went on a date. I had sex. Both events, though with different people, have left me more of a mess than I might ever have imagined. How is it at thirty two, men/feelings/life can still hurt so much?
So whilst I rarely bother to make New Year Resolutions, since they never get kept, here are mine:
To remember-
Don't rush in. Keep a distance. Stay uninvolved. Try not to feel. Be sure.
No matter how perfect someone might seem on paper, everyone has their faults.
Love and Lust are two very different things. That said, there is no such thing as sex without emotions.
If you do something that could possibly complicate things, the chances are it will. Save the issues and just don't do it to begin with.
On top of all these things, I'm sure there are a bundle of "be nice to people", "like yourself more", "lose weight" and so forth, so I won't even get into those. If nothing else, this post will act as a reminder to me, that even after over a year of being by myself and thinking I'm dealing with things, my heart is and always will be far too easily hurt. I am not ready to love again. I'm not ready to be hurt again. I'm still a mess. I carry a lot of baggage. That said, I am strong and I will get through this, even if it means never putting myself in that position to be hurt again.
Tuesday, 2 August 2011
A year later...
So a year has passed and I've stumbled across my blog again. I'm tired and its late and I'm not really in the mood to update but something tells me that I should - make an effort to just recap the last 12 months. So this is me, writing myself a note, to remind myself to update! Coming soon... hopefully.
Sunday, 22 August 2010
Still Alive
I just wanted to post that I'm still alive and struggling on. Life has been pretty up and down recently and when its good - I just want to make the most of being happy and not blog too much about the lows and when its bad - I just want to bury my head and forget all about it and so can't really blog.
I do want to make a post soon though, about friends and friendship. These last few weeks I wouldn't have got through without some of the most awesome friends a person could have. I could easily get into it right now but since I wasn't sitting down to do that just yet, I won't.
Anyway, life is ok and I'm doing ok. The sun is shining and today is a good day. Gradually there are more good days than bad days and so its all good by me. I will update again soon, one I've managed to prioritise my life a bit better.
Over and out.
I do want to make a post soon though, about friends and friendship. These last few weeks I wouldn't have got through without some of the most awesome friends a person could have. I could easily get into it right now but since I wasn't sitting down to do that just yet, I won't.
Anyway, life is ok and I'm doing ok. The sun is shining and today is a good day. Gradually there are more good days than bad days and so its all good by me. I will update again soon, one I've managed to prioritise my life a bit better.
Over and out.
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