Weddings

I'm really not a big fan of weddings, never really have been. Yes I've been married twice myself (and separated twice) but that's not really the reason I don't like them - although I suppose its beginning to add to it.

I've always felt like weddings were a lot of hassle for nothing. A lot of people don't really enjoy them, they just go because they feel they should, or to be polite. The whole day can be stressful and long, especially if you have children and it doesn't mean an awful lot to anyone but the couple involved. Even for the couple themselves, weddings can be incredibly stressful and full of hassle for weeks up until the date. The they day goes past in such a blur that you barely remember it and you wonder why you put yourself through so much stress.

For my first wedding, I did the whole white wedding thing. The church, the white dress, the nice cars, the suits, the flowers, the lunch reception followed by evening disco - and honestly by the end of the day I really didn't remember all that much of it. I remember being so exhausted that there was no wedding bliss that night, just sleep and a feeling of being completely knackered.

When I got married the second time, it was a much more simple affair. We owned a restaurant and got married on Valentine's Day. Whilst this sounds romantic on paper, it was mostly for the publicity and we had 60 or so customers in the restaurant that evening. We got married at a registry office, not long after Megan was born and we went back to the reception with just the handful of people who came to the wedding, to enjoy champagne and bacon butties. After about an hour everyone went home, we got changed and spent the rest of the day in a panic about being ready for the evening. Admittedly I enjoyed it at the time, but that's because we kept it basic.

I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and its for my cousin and his (to be) wife. I've known about it since before my husband and I broke up and originally he was supposed to be coming too. However once we'd split up, I knew I would be facing the day alone, not only that but given the split, with raw feelings over marriage itself. I've been mentally preparing myself for it for a while now and whilst I don't expect it to be particularly enjoyable, I felt like I'd get through it. However last night I came down sick. I felt it coming on and I hoped it might be gone by morning but no such luck. Today I feel much worse with blocked nose, sore throat, chapped lips, aches and pains, and a cough. I'm managing ok in myself but I really feel like I lack in energy. On top of that I now have to face the likelihood that I'm going to be ill for the wedding.

All this combined is making me feel like crying. I don't really know why but I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself. Not only am I ill and will be forcing myself to go to a wedding, but now I feel like I probably won't make it through the day without getting upset or feeling even more like shit. I dunno why I'm posting about this really. Maybe just for reference I suppose. I just know that I'm now actually dreading tomorrow. I just hope that it isn't as bad as I'm anticipating.