I've been having such a nice few weeks that I've really had nothing specific to write about recently, but then every time I think of something I'd like to say, I end up getting distracted by something else and the moment just passes me by. Really this moment has passed me by, but I can't help feeling that I should post about it anyway.
There are very few people who know me, that will read this, but those of you who do, will know that for 8 years I have had a crush on Darius Campbell (originally Danesh). It started in Summer of 2002, when his first song "Colourblind" was released, although I have to admit I'd always liked him on the reality TV shows he'd been on. I bought the single and soon after I bought his first album "Dive In". In fact, a relationship I started with an ex boyfriend was based on our mutual love for Darius - having bonded over the fact he had a magazine with an article about the man himself in it and he let me read it. This was shortly followed by a first date to see Darius sing in a shopping centre in Leeds. My ex boyfriend and I even had an agreement, that if I was to ever get the chance to meet Darius and have him like me, he would agree to us breaking up. It all sounds a bit ridiculous now but in all honesty I believed that I could be someone that Darius would want to be with, someone he would like to date.
Now 8 years onwards and I have to admit that crush has died over the years. A whole marriage later and he was almost forgotten about, although seeing him would always remind me of that crush. As you know, I'm now seperated and trying to remember what I like and what I don't and I'll tell you this much, my crush on Darius is still there!
Starting his new "History of the Big Bands" tour, his 2nd date was in Lincoln and I booked tickets for myself and the afore mentioned ex boyfriend to go and see (I'd say we're still friends but I guess that's debatable considering he didn't actually end up going with me). In the end though, I actually ended up going with my mum and constantly she was worrying that she would stand out, being one of the oldest there. This in itself was a laugh a minute, because when we actually DID arrive at the theatre, my mum was probably of the average age and I was the one feeling out of place.
My friend had joked before hand, that I might get the chance to meet him, our eyes meeting across the theatre, that he might fall in love with me and we'd live happily ever after. Whilst the thought made me laugh I didn't hold the same confidence that that could actually happen. I was happy to just go and listen and enjoy his voice. Little did I know that our eyes would meet across the theatre and I would get to meet him.
The concerty was brilliant and his voice was just as sexy as I remembered it to be. My heart was pounding nearly the whole way through and every time he caught my eye (as he did with several people during the night I'm sure) my pulse would race and I felt like I might actually have a heart attack. This not so familiar feeling of someone making your heart flutter was incredibly welcome and when I realised I would get the opportunity to actually meet him I really wasn't sure if I had died and gone to heaven. He kissed my cheek, signed my program and had his picture taken with me - whilst my legs went weak, my cheeks blushed and my heart skipped a few too many beats. This is what makes a crush worth having!
Now I'm not completely insane. I know that it will have meant nothing to him and in all honesty a few days later and its meaning less to me too. I know its nothing more than a crush, I know there is no actual feelings involved, I know that there is no future. However for those few hours, for the moments, it made the crush completely and utterly worth it.
I'm not looking for another relationship right now. I fear it may be some time before I'm actually ready to let someone look after my heart again. But in the mean time I will make the most of every crush, heart flutter and swoon that I possibly can. Life is for living, not just observing. I want to know that I own my life, not just be a bistander.
